Wanted Ads

40-ish                =     ;   49 
Adventurous     =   Slept with everyone 
Athletic.         =     ;     No tits 
Average looking   =     Ugly 
Beautiful         =     ;    Pathological liar 
Contagious Smile  =    Does a lot of pills 
Emotionally Secure  =  On medication 
Feminist         =     ;    Fat 
Free spirit        =  ;        Junkie 
Friendship first   =      Former slut 
Fun      =    Annoying 
New-Age       =     ;    Body hair in the wrong places 
Old-fashioned       =&nbs p;  No BJs 
Open-minded      =     Desperate 
Outgoing         =     ;    Loud and Embarrassing 
Passionate         =     ;  Sloppy drunk 
Professional         =     Bitch 
Voluptuous         =     ; Very Fat 
Large frame         =    Hugely Fat 
Wants Soul mate    =  Stalker 
 
WOMEN'S ENGLISH: 
1.  Yes = No 
2.  No = Yes 
3.  Maybe = No 
4.  We need = I want... 
5.  I am sorry = you'll be sorry 
6.  We need to talk = You're in trouble 
7.  Sure, go ahead = You better not 
8.  Do what you want = You will pay for this later 
9.  I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron! 
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? 

MEN'S ENGLISH: 
1.  I am hungry = I am hungry 
2.  I am sleepy = I am sleepy 
3.  I am tired = I am tired 
4.  Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 
5.  I love you = Let's have sex now 
6.  I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 
7.  May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you! 
8.  Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you 
9.  Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you 
10.  Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you 
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay