Chuck Norris - The Facts

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly
after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered,
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind
the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh
away.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first
45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.

Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat
the living sh1t out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game
forfeited.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the
courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a
spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the
earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature
of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a
meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a
roundhouse kick.
When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted
he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked
15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat
that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to
have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris
you may be only seconds away from death.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".

Edited by Sihayton