Julius Caesar....

Julius Caesar was addressing the crowd in the Colliseum. "Friends,Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears. Tomorrow I take our glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France. We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious".

The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"

Brutus turns to his mate and says " He disnae half talk some shite, eh"

Six months later, Caesar comes back having conqured France and addresses the crowd in the Colliseum. " Friends, Romans and Countrymen, I have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed 50,000 Gauls".

The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar".

Brutus says to his mate " What a load of shite, I'm gonnae check this oot"

So Brutus sets of for France and three weeks later he comes back to Rome. Caesar is addressing the public in the Colliseum again "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for Britain and we are going to sort those b*stards out"

The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"

Brutus jumps up and shouts " Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that you had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there tae check it oot and ye only killed 25,000 !!!!"

The crowd are stunned and all sit down in silence.

Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Colliseum then across at Brutus and says, "Aye but away Gauls count double in Europe !!!"